


A Touch of Madness

by SpicyPepper_SweetSugar



Series: This Too Shall Pass (And I'll Meet You On The Other Side) - Endurance [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: A look into Negan's mind, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Beth Greene Lives, Companion Piece, Endurance Universe, F/M, Gen, Implied Daryl Dixon/Beth Greene, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Torture, Negan before the start of Endurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 21:45:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8817328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyPepper_SweetSugar/pseuds/SpicyPepper_SweetSugar
Summary: Companion piece to Endurance, all told from Negan's point of view. Starting before end of the world, leading up to when Beth splits away from the Saviors, this piece is meant to show the complexity of Negan and Beth's relationship as well as give us a closer look at how they were before everything went wrong.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! :) If you're reading my story Endurance, you probably knew that this one shot was coming. If you don't, well, then I suggest you do because this might not make much sense if you don't know what's been happening before this one-shot.
> 
> This is a companion piece to Endurance and it's all written from Negan's point of view, in a way. Some of the scenes are from Endurance, but in the main story, they were told from Beth's point of view whereas here, everything will strictly be about understanding the Negan that I've been writing. In my story, he wasn't always a madman, which I hope will be clear in this one-shot. I also hope that it sheds some light on the complex relationship between him and Beth.
> 
> Also worth mentioning, I am tagging this story as a Bethyl fic, since there are some hints at what happened in Endurance (which is a Bethyl fic), but this is all about Negan. So, there's that.
> 
> I've read through this and edited it a hundred times but I am certain that some spelling-errors made it it (the bastards keep sneaking past me, no matter how many times I read through the story!), so I apologize for that. Either way, I hope you enjoy it! :)
> 
> WARNING: This one-shot contains graphic descriptions of violence, attempted rape/non-con, lots and lots of swearing (but surprisingly not as much as I expected) and descriptions of torture. It also shows Negan falling deeper and deeper into madness... You have been warned.

#  **A Touch of Madness**

 

He had always been good on his own. Never bothered much with his family, mostly because he had never had a proper one. Still, there had been a time when he had thought that he would be better; make something out of himself just to spite the ones who had never really believed in him. His parents had never been there, but he had been okay. He was used to being on his own.

He was loud and sometimes viewed as obnoxious, but it all came from being on his own for so long and needing to be heard. Back then, he had finished high school and that had been enough for him to get a job as a car salesman at some old dump. It wasn’t like some would think: that he was stupid and hadn’t been able to make anything else out of himself; anything  _ better.  _ No, the truth was, he was almost too clever for his own good. His grades in school had been better than a passing note and he’d always had charisma, which his teachers complimented him on.

‘ _ Especially that one math teacher, _ ’ he remembered to himself with a grin as he remembered the woman.

Yeah, he had always been good at talking and using his charm on people. That was how he ended up becoming one of the best salesmen at the garage. He prided himself in being able to sell anything to anyone, even a bottle of air, if he wanted to. There really were some dumb fucks out there in the world, after all.

Then he met  _ Her _ , and she somehow saw right through his bullshit. She challenged him by calling him out for what he was and for the first time in his life, he found himself mesmerized. Because of her, he figured that he’d give marriage a chance.

So he stopped working as a car salesman, applied to work as a coaching assistant at the local high school and then later took over the job when the old coach retired. He got married to  _ Her  _ and everything was okay for a while, until it wasn’t.

He lost interest, strayed, and fell into bed with another woman.

His world went to shit long before it  _ actually  _ went to shit. Now, there wasn’t much left of it so there was no point in dwelling. The end had begun only a couple of weeks ago, but the first time he saw one of the dead ones was still imprinted in his mind. He hadn’t known what to do there at the hospital. He had killed two of them to save a kid who eventually ended up dying anyway, although he hadn’t been able to take care of  _ Her.  _ Now, things were already different. He’d made it home and he’d gotten his bat and he’d started bashing the heads in on those fuckers until there weren’t any left on his porch.

He wasn’t sure  _ what  _ was driving him anymore, but he knew he had to make it. He was going to endure whatever it was that came his way, he decided, and he would survive. So he took his bat with him and grabbed one of his neighbor’s shotgun, packed a bunch of supplies and drove to his old job. There, he witnessed his old boss being taken down by two biters, a lost cause so he didn’t bother with trying to help. Instead, he went out back and picked out the biggest motherfucking car that he could find and filled it up with as many necessities that he could, placing the bat in the passenger seat as he got in, turning the ignition.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t enjoyed his life so far before the Outbreak, but Negan had to admit, as he drove out of the small town in no particular direction, that he hadn’t felt more alive than the moment that he had put his old boss out of his misery before the man could turn.

-§-

As the weeks went by, Negan started coming across survivors. He knew that there was a bigger risk of dying when one was alone and even though they were a group of five people, he managed to charm one of the women with nothing more than a few nice words. He had run out of gas a while ago and grabbed a single backpack that he had filled with supplies.

It hadn’t taken him long to single her out as the weak link. The others were always hovering close to her and from what he could tell, there were two couples already formed and she was the younger sister of one of the gay men. They didn’t want to let him into their group, but she pleaded his case, telling them how they couldn’t just leave him on his own. Eventually and reluctantly, the people allowed him to join them, but they were always wary.

The young woman, Rosie, was a hot little thing and it was almost laughable how little time it took for him to literally charm her pants off. He was with them for about two weeks before a herd came across them and Rosie was torn apart right in front of him. Her brother had tried to save her, but he had been pulled into the swarm of walkers as well. Negan, the other couple and the dead man’s boyfriend ran and eventually, they found a safe enough place to hole up for the night.

He realized then that he didn’t really care that Rosie was gone. His biggest problem was that he would probably be a bit colder during the night.

-§-

His way with people was different. He had been told as much many times over the years. Once again, weeks passed and when the number of dead ones rose, Negan knew the importance of finding other survivors. People who had lived through the beginning of the Outbreak were hard to find though, once one was looking, but as soon as he turned his back somewhere, he seemed to get a gun or a knife directed at him. That was when he recognized the importance of having someone watch his back. It was also then that he started working his charm on everyone that he came across, spinning stories about looking for the last safe haven, somewhere on the East coast. Some thought it was bullshit - which it  _ was  _ \- while others ate it up like a candied apple. His stories of survival and safe places had the weaker ones looking up to him like some sort of leader and he found that he liked the attention.

His group grew and soon enough, he had thirteen people following him on his quest to find them a place to live. The stronger ones in the group didn’t oppose him because they knew that everyone else would follow him and try to protect him. Negan knew that in the long haul it probably wasn’t good to have such gullible people with him and he started making plans for the weak ones that he would put in motion the moment he found a place.

Fifteen days later, he stood in front of the abandoned factory and took in the high fences with a grin on his face.

“Sir?” one of the men asked, coming to stand next to him. They had been scouting the area for days and now he had finally found what he had been looking for all along.

Negan’s smile only widened, “Send word to the others. We’ve fucking found it.”

-§-

They secured the fences, cleared the factory and Negan started making plans and dividing tasks. It went unsaid that the others would follow him and so far no one had protested. A week in, people started getting hungry though and the supplies they’d had were running out. Negan sent out people who knew how to hunt into the woods, and they came back with a deer. There were arguments though because they were still many and it irritated him to no end. Not only did the people in his group argue a lot with one another, but they had also lost two people because they had apparently been too distracted out in the woods while they had fought over which tracks to follow.

Negan had shut the arguments down instantly, reminding them that their survival depended on finding a way to work together and follow the rules that they set up. They needed that if they wanted their community to thrive.

And if Negan ended up being the one to set the rules, well, then the others would just have to be willing to follow them.

-§-

Months passed and their numbers rose. They made it through the first Winter and Negan prided himself in having been the one to make them pull through. Everyone knew of and followed his rules because they all knew there were punishments in line for those who didn’t. He knew how to talk to the people who followed him and he made them believe in hierarchy and the order that he had set up. Everyone knew that he was at the top of the pyramid and they were all so grateful for what he did for them. After all, he made sure that no one slacked off or took what wasn’t theirs to take. Everyone had to work for their points and that was just the way that things were.

Somewhere along the line though, some people began standing out. There were those he was a bit closer to, not emotionally, but rather in the sense that he knew that they could handle some of the more important things around their factory. Negan began delegating, giving these men (and women, because he wasn’t a fucking sexist pig) more important missions, trusting them to do the work that they were given. When they did what they were asked to do, he began seeing an opportunity for change. These people were promoted to higher positions, which meant that they might not need to work as hard as some of the others for points, but they still needed to make sure that the jobs were done. They didn’t have to do the physical part of it, but were held accountable if a certain department didn’t perform as well as it should. It was a way to show the point collectors that even those with a little more privilege, still answered to him.

-§-

He didn’t know how much fucking time had passed since the world had ended, but he did know that things were good. Days turned into months, months turned into years and he was still selling his bullshit to those who were more than happy to buy it. Somewhere along the way, he realized that people wanted someone to follow and that was exactly what he provided them with. The people in his community had started viewing him as someone who was invincible, someone who would never break, no matter what was thrown at him. There had been those who opposed him or tried to take over, but he had made sure that everyone saw what happened to the people who challenged his authority. They were now some of the biters who were protecting the factory from outsiders, making them believe that the fortress was impenetrable, which it pretty much was.

His people kneeled now too, as he walked passed them. He wasn’t really sure at which point that had started to become a thing, but he found that he fucking liked it. It might have been that one time when he had fought a guy who had wanted to take over as leader and told him to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness. The man had done so but Negan had still felt anger coursing through him, his fingers gripping his bat tightly before he started smashing the guy’s head in with it until he was just a pile of goo on the floor.

After that, admiration hadn’t been the only emotion in people’s eyes when they looked at him. Negan knew that he had given them something to fear as well and it wasn’t just him.

It was Lucille too.

-§-

The day that he met  _ her _ , he had had a gut feeling that it was going to be a remarkable day. For some reason, he had felt the urge to step out of the factory and go on a trip with some of his men. It was a way for him to show that he wasn’t afraid to be outside of the walls; that he had nothing to fear because he was the only one people should fear.

Then something had gone wrong and he had ended up on top of the truck, surrounded by dead ones and  _ she  _ had come running out of the woods, all blonde hair and scars, blowing that motherfucking whistle like she had nothing to lose. He had been startled at first by the noise. His men were already dead and he had thought for just a split second that he was done for. Then the blonde whirlwind and her whistle had gotten the attention of some of the corpses and lured them away from the truck, into the woods.

Negan took out the remaining ones with Lucille, the grin of victory not falling from his face even once. He sat then and waited, not knowing for sure that she would come back.

But she did.

_ “Who are you, Pretty?”  _

_ “Beth.”  _

_ “You looked like a fucking angel to me when you bust through those woods and saved my fucking life. I’m Negan.” _

-§-

When he brought her back to the factory, a lot of eyebrows were raised. Some of his people believed that he had invited her to stay with them because he wanted her to be one of his wives, but they couldn’t have been more wrong. In fact, for the first time in his life, Negan wasn’t really sure why he wasn’t making moves on the young woman yet.

There was something in her eyes, he thought. There was  _ potential _ there. It was undeniable that she was pretty, despite the scars on her face and her being as thin as a stick. Usually, when it came to his women, he liked them with just a little bit more meat on them.

But Negan had known it the day that she had saved his life. He had seen the fire in her eyes when she had questioned him regarding his safe place and he knew that she had been through enough. All of that, combined with some sense of gratitude toward her for saving him, made him not want to go there with her. He had his wives for sex and that was enough to satisfy him. He didn’t need Beth to be one of his conquests, so he wanted her to be  _ more. _

Negan took it slow at first, giving her easier missions before he started delegating more of the responsibility to her. With every day that passed, he could see her becoming more and more confident and he noticed how people began looking at her almost the same way that they looked at him.

And it made him so goddamn proud, for some fucking reason.

-§-

Weeks passed and Beth kept excelling at whatever task he threw at her. She had made it clear to him that she could be trusted and he had made her a promise that he was going to protect her, mainly because he owed it to her. He had started to eat dinner with her every other night and he always asked her if she liked the factory. She told him that it was as good a place as any, which had mildly offended him but then again, he was amused by the fact that she, out of everyone, wasn’t afraid of him in the least.

If she had been, she surely wouldn’t have told him how despicable she thought he was for having more than one wife. When he had jokingly suggested that she became lucky bride number six, she had denied him and he hadn’t been able to stop smiling at her. For the first time, since the world had ended, he had smiled at someone and it confused him to no end because who the fuck was this girl even?

Could the reason that he was so relaxed around her be because she had seen him when he had been vulnerable? They had met at a time when he had been certain that he had met his end, after all. Maybe that was why he didn’t feel the need to play his role when he was alone with her. He couldn’t know for sure, but he knew that he just had to keep going, as long as it felt right.

-§-

Negan would never forget the evening that he heard her scream.

He had been on his way to see her when the sound had pierced right through him, making him feel as if he had been stabbed with a thousand daggers all at once. His slow walking turned into a sprint and he ran around the corner, only to have rage and disgust wash over him when he saw that son of a bitch Evan laying on top of Beth, pinning her to the concrete floor. The low-life had his pants unbuckled and had started to pull at Beth’s which and something inside of Negan snapped. He tore the bastard away from his angel, yelling words at him that he knew that he wouldn’t even be able to remember later on. As he punched the man repeatedly, he wanted nothing more than to tear him apart with his bare hands for touching Beth, but then he heard her voice and he stopped.

Later, he watched her give the fucker exactly what he deserved, in front of everyone else just outside of the factory. Something inside of him changed then, just like he knew that Beth would be different after what had almost happened as well. He allowed her to make an example out of Evan and she didn’t hold back as she showed the rest of their community what would happen if she was to be messed with.

-§-

He watched as the doctor patched her up. They were in Negan’s bedroom and Beth was sitting on the bed, clutching the sheet to her chest to hide herself. The doctor told them that some of the pebbles had dug too deep into her back and that she would have some scarring there, but Negan was far more worried about the look on his angel’s face after he told the doctor to leave them.

“You don’t owe me anythin’ anymore,” she said after a while. “I saved your life and now you saved mine.”

“Oh, come on,” Negan said. “Don’t be like that. I did what I swore I would do. I don’t break my fucking promises, Beth.”

He watched her as she looked down at her hands which he noted were still covered with dry blood. Without thinking twice about it, he kneeled down in front of her and picked up a wet rag, starting to wipe away the blood and dry her up.

“You’re gonna sleep in here tonight, all right?” he asked, but deep down he knew that she was aware of the fact that he was actually telling her. “I’ll even give you the bed.”

“I just want to go back,” Beth whispered, still not meeting his eyes. “What I did-”

Anger welled up inside of him once more. “Was what that fucking rapist  _ deserved _ ,” he interrupted her. “Don’t you fucking dare regret that. You were fucking  _ amazing _ out there!”

He didn’t want her to regret anything because she had done something that he would never have believed her capable of. A part of him had only suspected that she had it in her to be ruthless.

“I don’t regret what I did to him,” she snapped, looking up into his eyes. “But where does it stop? Why did it feel good to do that?”

“Because you were the one in control,” Negan said. “That’s what you liked. That’s what you enjoyed.” He reached for her cheek, brushing his thumb against her cheekbone as he cupped her face. “You were fucking beautiful out there. You looked fierce, impeccable… Fucking irresistible.”

Negan didn’t know where it had come from, but the need to just show her how amazing she was rose inside of him. He didn’t want to feel that way about her and maybe it was the adrenaline finally settling down, but he found himself moving forward. Her hand came up to rest on his chest as she pushed him back lightly and he immediately stopped what he was doing. He looked up at her, meeting her eyes as a half-smile spread over his lips. “Sorry,” he said, his voice low. “Guess I’m not as good at hiding when I feel attracted to someone,” he said, not really sure if that was actually the case but he had to admit to himself at least that he had always found Beth beautiful.

“I almost got raped,” Beth stated. “I hardly think that now is the time for me to… You know.”

“Mhm… I would never,” Negan said and he meant it more than anything he had ever said to anyone. It wasn’t some bullshit story that he wanted to sell; it was him being honest with her, like he always was, telling her exactly what was on his mind. “Not you. Never you.”

Beth nodded, looking at him like she believed him and she allowed him to pull her forward and hold her tight. When she rested her forehead against his chest, he hoped that he was able to bring her some comfort at least because if anyone, she deserved it.

“You saved my life,” Beth said. “You’re… You’re my  _ savior _ and this right here… It’s my  _ sanctuary _ .”

Something inside of him clicked then as he thought about her words and he slowly combed through her hair with his fingers.

“I fucking like the sound of that.”

-§-

She was on his bed one night, watching him as he used protective gloves to wrap the barbed wire around Lucille. Weeks had passed since she had killed her would-be rapist and she had taken to staying with him in his room more often. He assumed that it had something to do with her feeling safer around him, but he enjoyed the thought of someone being with him without being afraid of him.

He glanced at her as she read silently from the pages in the book that she had borrowed from the good doctor. Her shirt had ridden up a bit and he wondered whether she was aware of it because he sure as fuck was. His eyes kept being drawn to the creamy skin of her abdomen, wondering briefly how she would feel beneath his fingertips as he explored her body.

It was a thought that he quickly forced away, knowing that he couldn’t go there with her. She didn’t want that with him and he would never push her for anything, no matter how attractive he had started to find her.

“It’s going to be so cool, I think,” Beth said suddenly, slamming her book closed as she sat up straight and looked at him. 

He was sitting on the edge of the bed but he turned slightly and smirked her way, “What, Angel?”

Beth moved toward him on her knees, her shirt finally falling to cover her skin again. Negan swallowed thickly as her cheek connected with his, her hands resting on his shoulders as she looked down at his handiwork when he finished wrapping Lucille up in the wire.

“You’re gonna have your own weapon,” she said and by the tone she was using he knew that she was rolling her eyes at him. “Everyone will recognize you by it and one day, when you’re no longer here, everyone who matters will know who you were.”

She said the funniest shit sometimes.

He just grinned and turned his face toward her as he smacked his lips soundly against her cheek, feeling her hug him closer.

-§-

The smile on her face when he had first referred to their group as Saviors was something that he would never forget. He knew that she was aware of why he had finally given them a name and he didn’t need anyone else knowing about  _ why _ . It was between the two of them, but it fit with what they were doing now. Their factory was their Sanctuary and he had his rules that everyone followed. Things were good and then they became even better.

When he realized that other communities were being set up in the area, he knew that they would need to be dealt with. If his Saviors found out about them, they might want to…  _ explore  _ other options and leave the Sanctuary. He couldn’t have that.

That was why he held one of his grand speeches.

He managed to convince the rest of the Saviors that other communities would eventually mean threats, that they needed to protect what was theirs before someone came and took it from them. As soon as they secured their outposts that had been established over the years, and picked out twenty-something of their strongest, they went to the first one.

Beth had been angry with him though because he had left her at the Sanctuary.

“I need someone I can trust to make sure these fuckers don’t fall out of line,” he had grinned at her, leaning into her space. Before he had pressed his lips to her temple, he had made sure that no one was looking. He didn’t want them all knowing about whatever it was that she meant to him.

Later that night, when they had returned to the Sanctuary, they had organized a feast. He had made sure to clean Lucille up before their arrival so that Beth wouldn’t ask questions about what had happened. He had told her and the other Saviors who had stayed behind that they had made a deal with the other community. In exchange for half of everything that they produced and scavenged, the Saviors would make sure that no dead ones came their way and that they wouldn’t end up in some sort of conflict with one another. They wanted peace, after all.

“Everything went as planned then?” Beth asked later when she got him alone for a minute.

Negan’s grip on Lucille tightened for just a second before he looked up at her and smiled, “As always, Angel.”

-§-

He sat on a log as he watched her move, kicking and slicing up walkers with that damned dagger of hers which she had gotten so attached to. The more time that passed, the more fearless Beth seemed to become and he fucking liked it.

His wives were beautiful women, no doubt, but there was something else about the young woman in front of him who just smashed a biter’s head with the heel of her boot. Her attractiveness came from her being able to stand on her own and being strong enough to fight off all of these walkers on her own while he just watched, waiting to jump in if needed.

Beth liked going out in the woods and he had gotten used to accompanying her. It was a rare thing for the two of them to get a moment alone and if this was the only way to get away from prying eyes, he was going to take it.

It was funny, really. How much he enjoyed having all eyes on him, having his people look up to him and admire every little thing he did, but that he still wanted to have these hours on his own, with Beth. In a way, it helped him focus on what was important and allowed him to think about what his next big move was going to be.

Something whizzed past his ear and he turned slowly to see the walker that had sneaked up behind him topple over, Beth’s dagger embedded deep into its skull. He returned his gaze to her, narrowing his eyes at her, “You could have fucking hit me with that fucker.”

Beth smirked, stepping around him so that she could pick up her dagger. “I didn’t though,” she said, looking mildly impressed with herself. He couldn’t blame her; he was impressed too, after all.

“Where the fuck did you learn throwing that thing around like that?” he asked, standing up and stretching. “I didn’t think you got many lessons in before that knife thrower croaked.”

“He told me to go on my gut feeling,” Beth said.

“Your fucking gut told you to almost slice my neck open?” Negan raised his eyebrow at her.

Beth laughed, shaking her head at him, “It told me to fuckin’ save your life,  _ Boss. _ ”

He grinned at her and the two of them started back toward the Sanctuary, leaving the corpses behind so that nature could do its thing. As they walked in silence, he found himself wondering about her. He knew the basis of her story, about how she was practically a miracle walking, but other than that, Beth never talked about where she had come from. Negan wasn’t exactly the most open person either regarding his past, but with Beth, he wondered whether he would actually be able to open up about it all some time.

“You never told me about your family,” he said, voicing his thoughts without thinking.

He could see the tension in her shoulders suddenly and it almost made him regret asking. He still wanted to know, and he knew that he could very well order her to tell him but he didn’t want to do that to her. Not Beth.

Never Beth.

“There’s no point in talking about the people who left me behind,” Beth said, bitterness lacing her voice. He looked at her, seeing a storm of emotions flashing over her face. Her jaw was clenched and he understood that her family, whoever they might have been, would always be a touchy subject. “What about you?” she asked then, startling him back out of his thoughts. “What about your family?”

He thought about it for a moment. His mind went to  _ Her  _ and his grip on his bat tightened for just a moment. It had been a long time since he had given it any thought, what had happened. Before Beth, it had always been there, in the back of his mind. His mistakes and regrets that he knew didn’t mean shit anymore; thoughts of the hospital and how he hadn’t been able to finish the job. He pushed the memories away and looked at Beth, met her expectant blue eyes and he couldn’t help but stare at the scars that were prominent on her face.

She was fierce and she was beautiful and she was growing to be the epitome of everything that this new world represented. He cared for her, he knew, in some fucked up way maybe, but he did.

“You’re my family,” he said, voice low, almost a whisper. It was a confession that he wasn’t sure that he wanted her to hear, but by the genuine smile on her lips, he knew that she had.

And for once, he didn’t fucking mind at all.

-§-

It was difficult to pinpoint exactly how much time had passed since the world ended. All he knew was that time did pass and things started to change. He could feel it every time his Saviors found new communities. It was like a rush inside of him that came with the prospect of having more people fear him, having more people give themselves to him and provide for him. His Saviors liked the arrangement well enough and they weren’t struggling considering that they were getting half of everything that they got. Beth knew about the arrangements but she didn’t know the means that he had used to get the others to agree to them. She didn’t know about him cleaning Lucille every damn time that he was coming back to her.

They had caught a man who had walked into their land and Negan suspected that he might have been sent by one of the communities who wanted to check out their Sanctuary. So far, they had managed to keep their main location hidden and he wanted to keep it that way. It had been a perfect opportunity for Beth to show everyone else that she was just as dangerous as him and he had given her the go to run the interrogation.

He stood in one of the corners, leaning back against the wall with a grin on his face when the man tied to the chair screamed once again. Beth dropped the fingernail that she had just torn off of him with pliers onto the plate in front of him, holding her dagger to the man’s throat as she stared down at him, her face void of all emotion.

“Tell me who sent you,” she said, her voice sounding dangerously sweet.

The man panted, fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he shook his head, “I swear, I-I don’t…”

“Tell me,” Beth repeated, “who sent you. Remember that you still have seven fingernails… And nine fingers for me to feed you with.”

The man burst into tears and Negan suppressed the urge to laugh when he saw Beth push herself away from the table as she rolled her eyes. She motioned for him and the two of them stepped out of the room for a minute, leaving the man a blubbering mess behind. He could tell that something was bothering her and she crossed her arms over her chest when she finally looked at him.

“Are you sure that he’s been sent by someone?” she asked. 

“Of course, Angel,” Negan told her. “Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know if he’s actually a threat, Negan,” Beth sighed, looking toward the door. The man’s wailing could still be heard from the inside. “It doesn’t feel right to do this to him if he really doesn’t know anything.”

Negan placed his hands on Beth’s shoulders, making her look at him. He leaned down a bit so that she would meet his gaze, “Why would I lie to you about this, Angel?”

“You wouldn’t,” Beth said, before he could even continue. There was complete trust in her eyes and it was exactly what he had been looking for all along. She trusted him and knew that he would never make her do anything she didn’t want to do. The fact that she wasn’t questioning him on that proved to him that she was finally ready to face the truth about everything else.

“Your job is to break the hard motherfuckers, isn’t it?” he asked. Beth nodded slowly and Negan grinned. “You’re the absolute fucking best at it too, Beth,” he told her. “Don’t you ever fucking doubt yourself. Go in there now and break that man. I know that he is going to give everyone up, trust me.”

Beth nodded, her cold and determined mask settling once more before she walked into the room again. Negan grinned when he heard the man scream and cry out.

“Hilltop!” the man said. “I didn’t know that this was your land! I was just supposed to be scavenging, I swear!”

The confession was there, minutes after she had gone in again and it was abso-fucking-lutely  _ perfect.  _ This time, when they went to this Hilltop place, Beth was going to be allowed to come with him and she would see.

She’d see that the two of them together, would be able to rule the world.

-§-

He had them all lined up. They had found the Hilltop Colony and he had been surprised to see that they had just recently gotten their walls up. It was a good establishment, which in turn meant that they could be a threat and all threats had to be shut down.

So he lined them up and he prepared them for what was to come. They were weak, their supposed leader not even bothering to try to bargain with them. It was clear that there wouldn’t be much of a threat at all so long as that Gregory fucker was one the one leading them.

When he finally explained to them what was going to happen, he could feel Beth’s eyes burning into him but he forced himself to ignore her. He knew that she had to see it because she had to understand. 

He lifted Lucille, ready to smash the kid’s head in to show everyone  _ exactly  _ what their deal was, when Beth yelled out, “Stop! You can’t do that!”

Negan paused and the fact that she had made him pause made his blood boil. Who the fuck did she think that she was? That just because he cared about her, that she could just go ahead and tell him what he could and couldn’t do? In front of the people he was trying to make a point to? In front of his Saviors?

He turned toward her and closed the distance between them, getting into her face. “You don’t get to fucking tell me what I can or can’t do, Angel,” he growled at her, not being able to contain his rage. Beth’s eyes flashed with something and he wondered if he might have just broken something between them, but he couldn’t exactly ask her then and there. He didn’t understand; he had thought that she was ready.

“He’s  _ innocent _ ,” she protested in a hiss and he could feel everyone eyeing them with great interest. It made him want to bludgeon her to death right then and there, but he couldn’t, because she was  _ Beth. _

Instead, his hand fell on her shoulder and he pushed her forward, turning her so that she was facing the crowd. He pulled her with him so that she stood right next to him, in front of the boy who was crying silently. Taking a hold of the back of her head tightly, he forced her to stare at the people who were kneeling in front of them and then lowered his head down to her ear. He took a moment, letting her take it all in. His nose caught a whiff of her scent and he felt the urge to bury his face in her hair, but he didn’t because fucking hell, if that wasn’t a weakness, then he didn’t know what was.

Beth was almost shaking. He could feel the small tremors running through her, as if she was going to explode at any moment.

“No one is innocent,” he finally whispered to her, letting go of the grip that he had had on her. He lifted Lucille again, striking down before Beth could protest again. He grinned, feeling that power again as the people around them screamed and cried and sobbed as he continued to bash the boy’s skull in.

There was blood on his face when he turned to look at Beth again. There was blood on her face too and he thought that the two of them probably looked like quite the pair. Beth blinked a few times and finally looked at him. He wanted her to say something, do something.

Anything.

Beth remained silent.

-§-

She wanted a fucking tattoo and he couldn’t for the life of him understand why.

It was just a few days after they had returned from the Hilltop Colony and he knew that something about her was different. He just couldn’t put his finger on it.

When she had come to him and told him that she wanted angel wings on her back to cover up the scars that her would-be rapist had left behind, he hadn’t really been able to tell her no. Many of his Saviors had tattoos and they had their own tattooist who was good at what he did. They had a good supply of ink and a sanitized room that they used whenever someone wanted to get something inked on their skin.

He agreed and told her that it would suit her well. That she would really be his angel, once she got her wings.

That was why he couldn’t understand why she had been ignoring his request to see the final product for  _ weeks  _ now. It angered him because she could deny him like that without fearing any repercussions because she  _ knew  _ that he would never do anything to hurt her. She had been hiding it from him and it annoyed him to no end, so when he finally had enough of it, he demanded that she show it to him and she finally complied.

Beth wasn’t wearing a bra as she stripped off her shirt. The plastic that covered her back was completely see-through and it allowed him to see the wings in detail. He walked up to her, standing behind her as he touched the plastic and Beth moved away from him.

“Fucking hell, Angel,” he said. “I could look at your back all fucking day and not get bored.”

“It’s sore,” she told him, mumbling the words almost incoherently, but he knew that it was about more than that. She didn’t want him touching her at all and he didn’t understand what had happened so suddenly.

“I bet I could have you sore in other places too,” he said before he could stop himself. Beth turned to stare at him sharply. She was holding her shirt in front of her chest, not letting him see anything at all. He started to move toward her, but she turned quickly and pressed one of her hands to his chest, her eyes narrowed and lips pursed.

He would never.

Especially not with her.

“One of these days, Beth,” he started slowly, lazy smile on his face. “One of these days you are going to give yourself to me.”

She didn’t say anything when she turned her back to him and tugged on her shirt again. He didn’t say anything as he watched her leave his bedroom, but he didn’t expect the coldness that she left behind.

No, he didn’t expect that at all.

-§-

It became a game to him, after that. Getting her to react to the things he said. He wanted to win her affections back, or at least the respect that she had had for him before the Hilltop. Something had changed because she still did everything that he told her to do, but she no longer sought him out willingly. After the fiasco with Dwight, he made sure that she was partnered with the burned fucker because he knew that he wouldn’t dare to defy him again and that he would keep an eye on Beth for him without crossing the line.

It angered him that it had come to this. That he had to provoke her in order to get her to react to him. That he had to play with her mind for her to actually look at him and  _ see. _ He knew that she was going to break, one day. She might not want him now, but there would come a day when she would beg for him to take her.

He had made sure that everyone knew that she was off limits. In fact, he had made it perfectly clear to everyone that she was not to be touched. He understood that some people in the Sanctuary hated her for it; loathed her for his slight obsession with making her his. Most people minded their own business though, making sure not to step in whenever he did or said something to her in public.

Then, there was as if another switch had gone off in her head and she started talking to him again. He could tell that there was still some kind of change there, but he figured that it would take time for things to return to the way that they were. She was his family and he was going to wait for her to break and give in, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t continue to play the game that he had grown to love.

For a while, he had thought that she might have started seeing someone on the side and that that was the reason that she was spending time with him again, as if to not make things too obvious. Despite everything that had happened he still trusted her. She might still be reluctant but he was certain that she was going to come around eventually.

-§-

Something had happened, that much was clear.

He had sent her out to locate the community that the women they had captured came from, but she had returned to him empty handed and looking calm. That was exactly how he knew that something was up with her because she was his best goddamn tracker and if she came back to him, telling him that she hadn’t found a single trace of another community, something was definitely off.

-§-

He wasn’t proud of what he did, but he knew that the only person who was loyal enough to him and wouldn’t ask too many questions was Turner. The man got off on making others suffer and Negan could understand the need to put people in their place and show them their assigned seat. Ever since Beth had put Turner in  _ his  _ place when he had been mocking the family of those that Negan had used to set an example with, the man hadn’t really cared much for the blonde. Negan knew that he would jump on the chance to prove that Beth was fucking someone, despite Negan’s clear ruled that she wasn’t supposed to be touched.

Negan’s orders had been clear: Turn the charm on and provoke her. He had to know if Beth would cheat on him. His answer came when Dwight’s little cousin came to get him, telling him about the fight that had broken out in the cafeteria between Beth and Turner. He could see it in the boy’s eyes, his obvious concern making Negan want to kill him then and there.

Negan knew though, that he would have to bide his time. He wouldn’t do anything to the kid until he knew  _ why  _ Beth would be so careless and get involved with him in the first place. If he knew his angel right, he knew that there was a lot more to it. It would be better to wait and punish the ones who needed punishing when the time was right.

-§-

The surly redneck who refused to speak puzzled him to no end. Actually, it wasn’t puzzlement as much as it was fascination. He saw something in her eyes again when he had wanted to kill the man and he knew that it wasn’t just about getting information out of him. It was something  _ more _ , something that had once been directed at him but that he no longer saw on her face when she met his eyes.

He had asked her about the man’s vest and the wings that she had tattooed on her back, but she had told him that it was only a coincidence. He didn’t believe her for even a second and he knew that he was missing something essential in it all. There was something that he wasn’t seeing, but he knew that it was right in front of him.

-§-

It was all a fucking mess and he was raging on the inside. Dwight had come to get him as soon as he had carried his cousin to the infirmary, but by then, the walkers had already gotten inside the fence. He ordered Dwight to keep his mouth shut and then he went to the infirmary to interrogate Luke.

The boy tried to sell him some bullshit story about how he saw Beth break out the prisoners and that she had knocked him out. He had been lucky that Dwight had found him before the walkers could get to him and closed the door to the Sanctuary. It didn’t change the fact that Negan now had about twenty walkers roaming in his backyard.

“Who was supposed to be keeping watch?” Negan asked Luke and he saw him hesitate for just the fraction of a second.

“I was,” the young man swallowed.

Negan’s eyes flickered over to Dwight who stood stone cold by the door, watching intently. Since the incident with Sherry, Negan had never wondered about the man, but now, he did. Negan took out a knife, glanced toward the doctor who looked like he was about to protest. He felt Dwight shift behind him but the man didn’t approach when Negan lifted the blade to Luke’s eye.

“Since you’re so bad at keeping a fucking eye on things,” he said, not finishing the sentence as he pressed his knife to the young man’s left eye. He didn’t want to take it out, but he did pierce the skin above his eyebrow, drawing a sharp line with his knife, as close to the young man’s eye as possible. It was going to hurt every fucking time that he tried to open it and he knew that it would serve as enough of a reminder for now. “Patch him up, Doc,” he said, pulling back to take a look at his handiwork. Luke was bleeding profusely, but kudos to him for not breaking out in tears. “Not too well though,” he added, as an afterthought. “We don’t want him looking too attractive now, do we?”

“Sir, what about the walkers?” Dwight asked, stepping forward. Negan turned to look at him and noticed that he didn’t seem to care much for what Negan had just done to his cousin. For fuck’s sake, he had burned half of Dwight’s face off so his cousin had gotten off easy with just a scar over his fucking eye.

“Leave them,” he said. “In the morning, the workers will go out there and take care of them.”

“We should alert them to it-”

“No,” Negan shook his head, interrupting Dwight. “Leave them as they fucking are and don’t fucking tell  _ anyone _ ,  _ anything. _ ”

He didn’t want to believe that Beth had helped the prisoners escape but things were beginning to fall into place. A rage was building up inside of him but he knew that there would come a day when she would return and then, he would need something to use against her. The death of a few Saviors was a small price to pay to have Beth-motherfucking-Greene under his thumb again.

“You go out the front,” he told Dwight. “You go after them, track them and when you find them, you fucking watch them. Everything you fucking find stays between the two of us. I don’t want anyone to fucking know what has happened here,” he ordered before turning to Luke and the doctor. “No one, understood?” he asked and the two of them nodded. He looked at Dwight again before pushing past him, heading straight for Beth’s room. He still didn’t want to believe that this had been her plan all along, that she had just been waiting for the moment to run away from him.

He had thought that he was her savior, that she was his fucking angel and that they were meant to rule this fucked up world together. He had thought that she cared about him, like he fucking cared about her and that she wouldn’t leave him.

Because they were family.

When he reached her room, he noted that most of her things were still there. The only things missing were her leather jacket, her emergency pack and her damned dagger. The motherfucking dagger that she never left behind when she was going off somewhere.

He wasn’t sure how he managed to ruin the room without someone coming to see what was happening. He had to assume that they recognized his yelling and that they had decided to stay as far away from him as possible, which was most likely a good thing considering that he was just seconds away from ripping someone apart.

She would be back though, one day, he knew it because he could feel it deep in his fucking bones. She would come back and when she did, he would be waiting with the proper retribution.

**Author's Note:**

> And that, my dear friends, is where this one-shot ends. I sincerely hope that it was okay and that I gave you at least a little look into Negan's mind. Feel free to share your thoughts and be kind to each other. I'm looking forward to the mid-season finale, and starting to work on the next chapter of Endurance!
> 
> Don't forget to tell me which scene was your favorite! ;)
> 
> Until then, have a lovely week! :) xx


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